Minding my P's and Q's

I can't ever remember leaving my home for anything, and I mean anything without my mom uttering the phrase mind your P's and Q's. I don't know if I was more perplexed with what the heck that actually meant or how she was able to scramble from anywhere in the house (whether she was aware I was leaving or not) to make sure she had a chance to make sure my ears would hear her motherly plea. Eventually as technology advanced, and she learned how to properly send a text message, if she didn't get the chance to verbally tell me, she would text to me at least once if not twice or three times.

I knew why my mother was so determined to plug this little nugget of wisdom in my ear. She wanted me to always be the best me I could be when I wasn't under her watchful eye. I know that I had my share of trouble growing up, but I believe in large part of my mom's efforts that the trouble I got into was only a small sample of what it could've been.

On this Mother's day I can't help but think of and miss my mom. Marilee Bailey was her name, and I never really realized how great I had it as a son until May of last year when she passed away after her battle with cancer. It's hard for me to think of anything that is good in my life, or any smidgen of good in  myself that isn't a direct result of my mother's influence. There is a saying hanging in the dining room of my father's house that says, "A mother's hug lasts long after she lets go". I often think about that saying in multiple scenarios of my life. The influence of my mother has stuck with me since her passing, which is something I'm truly grateful for.

Sometimes though I really miss her. I miss calling her anytime I feel sick or hurt, and asking what I should do to relive those bumps and bruises. I miss my advice machine, anytime I needed help she was there with words of wisdom to guide me where I should go. I miss my mom, who would do anything and everything for me (including sitting through all three installments of Lord of the Rings just to spend time with her son). Some days I really just want my mom.

My mom isn't gone though and either is my motherly influences. I still have my sisters Kelli, Heidi and Alisa who are always looking out for their bouncing baby brother. They are each like my mom in their own way. Then I have Jenna who's there to give me the hug I need when I'm down. I also have the old man, pops, my dad. He's my best friend without whom I don't know where I'd be without that guy.

Moral of the story is that I, as with anyone who knew her, miss my mom so much. We also know that because of her selfless attitude she would want the best for all of us even if she wasn't here with us. I can only echo the unofficial theme of my mother's funeral. Be cheerful and brave. Happy mother's day mom, hopefully you have internet access wherever you are and maybe you can read this. Just know I'm doing my best to mind my P's and Q's.

-Ryan

COMING TO TERMS

AT SOME POINT IN EVERY YOUNG BOYS' LIFE THEY HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH A FEW THINGS.
FIRST, THAT NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS THE PLAYSTATION INDEED CHEATS, OFTEN (AND THE BEST REACTION TO THAT CHEATING ISN'T EMBEDDING YOUR $50 CONTROLLER IN THE CLOSEST WALL, BECAUSE THAT'S JUST NOT FISCALLY RESPONSIBLE).
SECOND, YOU CAN'T WRITE IN CAPS FOR YOU ENTIRE LIFE (UNLESS A COLLEGE PROFESSOR SAYS YOU CAN THEN BY ALL MEANS GO AHEAD).
THIRD, YOU WILL NEVER PLAY IN THE NFL (UNLESS YOU NAME IS BRAD SORENSEN, FORMER QB AT GOOD OL' SUU, WHO I WAS REALLY SURPRISED THE BILLS DIDN'T PICK IN THE FIRST ROUND)(ON A SIDE NOTE DO I REALLY KNOW BRAD SORENSEN, NOT EXACTLY. I ONCE SAT TWO TABLES AWAY FROM HIM AT THE SUU CAFETERIA AND THEN ANOTHER TIME I SLAPPED HIS SHOULDER PADS AND SAID "GOOD JOB" AFTER A FAILED ATTEMPT TO STORM THE FIELD AFTER SUU BEAT EWU IN A EPIC UPSET AT THE COLISEUM, OR WHATEVER SUU FOOTBALL FIELD IS CALL. ANYWAY I THINK THAT MEANS I'M ALLOWED TO GIVE HIM AT LEAST ONE SHOUT OUT IN MY LIFE).
FORTH, AT SOME POINT IN EVERY YOUNG BOYS' LIFE YOU COME TO THE REALIZATION THAT EVERY GIRL THAT EXISTS, HAS EXISTED, OR WILL EXIST IS INDEED CRAZY AND NOT THE BEST DRIVER (IN CONTRARY EVERY GIRL WILL SOME DAY COME TO TERMS THAT EVERY SINGLE YOUNG BOY IS A COMPLETE IDIOT, BUT THIS IS MY BLOG SO I DON'T HAVE TO INCLUDE THAT EVEN THOUGH I JUST DID....TOUCHE LADIES).
THE FIFTH REALIZATION THAT EVERY YOUNG MAN WILL HAVE TO COME TO TERMS WITH IS WHAT I AND EVERY OTHER AUTHOR OF THIS BLOG WOULD LIKE TO CALL THE "WILDCARD" EVENT. IT'S DIFFERENT FOR EVERY YOUNG BOY. FOR INSTANCE BILL GATES, HE HAD TO COME TO TERMS THAT HE WAS A NERD, AND BY COMING TO TERMS HE INVENTED ELECTRICITY AND BECAME THE WORLDS FIRST MILLIONAIRE (OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, I DON'T QUITE REMEMBER THE "EXACT" DETAILS). OR WE COULD LOOK AT RAY LEWIS WHO HAD TO COME TO TERMS THAT HE COULDN'T KILL SOMEBODY AND NOT GO TO JAIL (EXCEPT LATER IN LIFE HE ACTUALLY DID. RAY LEWIS' STATS: SUPERBOWL TITLES 2, MURDERS 2. BUT THAT'S WHY IT'S CALLED A WILDCARD).
SO AS YOU CAN SEE THE "WILDCARD" COULD BE A VASS ARRAY OF EVENTS. I MYSELF THOUGHT I HAD DISCOVERED IN MY EARLY YEARS WHAT MY "WILDCARD" WAS. IT TOOK ME QUITE AWHILE TO COME TO TERMS THAT CEREAL FROM A BIG OL' BAG COULD BE AS DELICIOUS AS IT'S COUNTERPART THAT CAME IN A SMALLER BAG, THAT WAS IN FACT IN A BOX, WHETHER OR NOT THE CEREAL IN THE BAG/BOX HAD A TOY OR OTHER SURPRISE IN IT. BUT THAT WASN'T MY "WILDCARD", THAT WAS SIMPLY A FACT.
NO MY TRUE "WILDCARD" WAS THAT EVEN THOUGH MY PARENTS HAD GIVEN ME A NAME, VERY FEW HUMANS AND/OR OTHER ALIEN OR JUST NON-HUMAN CREATURES WOULD NEVER CALL ME BY IT.
LET ME EXPLAIN. I WAS BORN ON AUGUST 23RD (PRESENTS ARE EXCEPTED ON THAT DAY, AS WELL AS ANY OF YOU THAT WOULD LIKE TO SEND ME A MAKE UP PRESENT AS YOU NOW  REALIZE YOU MISSED MY BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR, THE YEAR BEFORE, ETC.) NOW I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, "WAIT AUGUST THE 23RD, ISN'T THAT THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS KOBE BRYANT? OR OPRAH WINFREY?" WHY YOU WOULD BE CORRECT. AND ACCORDING TO MY FACEBOOK PAGE IT'S ALSO THE BIRTHDAY OF JONATHAN WARD, JORDON YOUNGBERG, CORY BLUE YOUNG, JAMIE KEYES, LORN KILLPACK, SPENCER POULSON, AND ANJA HOCHREUTENER. SO HAPPY SAME BIRTHDAY Y'ALL BUT THAT'S NOT REALLY THE POINT. I WAS BORN AND THEN NAMED RYAN MAX BAILEY, AFTER MY GRANDPA MAX, MY DAD RICHARD MAX, AND MY 6 YEAR OLD NEPHEW MAX. IT'S A PRETTY DECENT NAME.
HOWEVER, AFTER ONLY 1 YEAR, 2 MONTHS, AND 20 DAYS OF BEING THE MOST SPOILED YOUNGEST CHILD EVER, MY MOM AND DAD HAD A BABY GIRL WHO WAS ABOUT TO ROCK THE CITY OF MONTICELLO AND EVENTUALLY THE WORLD. ON NOVEMBER THE 13TH, 1990 I WAS BLESSED WITH THE GIFT OF LITTLE SISTER NAMED JENNALEE BAILEY (FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES WE'LL CALL HER JENNA).
NOW I DON'T REALLY RECALL THOSE EARLY YEARS, BUT I CAN ONLY ASSUME THEY WERE BLISS. WE WERE THICK AS THIEVES THE TWO OF US (ACCORDING TO SOURCES). JENNA DID EVERYTHING I DID, INCLUDING CLIMBING UP ON TOP OF THE COUCH AND JUMPING OFF (WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE RESULTED IN JENNA BREAKING HER ARM). ONE FATEFUL DAY AFTER CAUSING WHO KNOWS WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE THE FAMILY SAT DOWN AND WATCHED A SPECIAL SHOW ON KIDS THAT HAD DOWNS SYNDROME. AS I WATCHED I KEPT LOOKING BACK AND FORTH AT THE TV AND JENNA AND COULDN'T HELP BUT THINKING THOSE KIDS LOOKED PRETTY SIMILAR TO JENNA. I EVENTUALLY ASK MY MOM, "IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH JENNA?" SHE TOLD ME NO WAY THAT JENNA WAS SPECIAL AND OUR ANGEL THAT WAS GIVEN US TO HELP OUR FAMILY BE EXTRA HAPPY. WELL HOT DOG YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT, AN ANGEL. I WAS THE LUCKIEST BROTHER ON THE PLANET.
EVENTUALLY OVER THE YEARS IT BECAME OBVIOUS THAT JENNA WASN'T JUST OUR ANGEL, BUT A GIFT TO THE WHOLE WORLD. SHE JUST HAS THIS SOMETHING IN HER THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO SMILE. I WONDER IF IT'S THE INSANE AMOUNT OF KETCHUP SHE CONSUMES? WHATEVER IT IS IT JUST GRAVITATES PEOPLE TO HER.
BEFORE TOO LONG I WOULD NOTICE THAT PEOPLE WOULD NOTICE HER IN TOWN AND SAY, "HEY THERE GOES JENNA AND.....AND HER BROTHER." OR I WOULD BE SOMEWHERE, NOT EVEN WITH JENNA, AND SOMEONE WOULD COME UP TO ME AND BE LIKE, "YOU'RE JENNA'S BIG BROTHER RIGHT? SHE'S SO CUTE, WE LOVE HER." I COULDN'T HELP THINKING WHY DOESN'T ANYBODY KNOW MY NAME. IT'S NOT LIKE I JUST MOVED IN. IT'S ALSO NOT LIKE RYAN IS THAT HARD OF A NAME, I MEAN IT HAS FOUR LETTERS AND TWO SYLLABLES. I BEGAN TO WONDER WHAT IF JENNA WAS NEVER MY SISTER, WOULD PEOPLE CALL ME RYAN, OR IDIOT, OR WHAT?
EVENTUALLY I REALIZED THAT WAS MY "WILDCARD". I NEEDED TO COME TO TERMS THAT I WAS JENNA'S BROTHER AND THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE WORLD THAT COULD BE BETTER THAN THAT. I WOULD LIKE TO SAY WE'RE THICK AS THIEVES, EVEN THOUGH WHEN I TELL HER I WON'T BUY HER A SUBWAY SANDWICH FOR THE FOURTH DAY IN A ROW SHE GOES TO HER ROOM AND BAD MOUTHS ME FOR HOURS TO SOME PERSON THAT ONLY SHE SEES, AND MAN IS SHE FIRED UP ABOUT IT. SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND AND I WOULDN'T TRADE THAT FOR ANYTHING IN THE WORLD. NO WAY JOSE, OR ANY OTHER NAME YOU'D LIKE TO THROUGH IN THAT SAYING (BUT HONESTLY JOSE WORKS BEST). SHE MAKES ME SMILE EVERYDAY, ESPECIALLY WHEN I DON'T FEEL LIKE I DON'T WANT TO (WHICH IS ACTUALLY FRUSTRATING BECAUSE I WANT TO BE PISSED FOR A LITTLE BIT AND THEN SHE RUINS IT FOR ME). I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO WITHOUT HER. I'M THE LUCKIEST BROTHER ON THE PLANET, EARTH OR ANY OTHER.
ANYWAYS GOOD LUCK TO ALL YOU YOUNG BOYS OUT THERE LOOKING FOR YOUR "WILDCARD" I'M SURE YOU'LL COME TO TERMS WITH IT SOONER OR LATER.

THE END

ABOVE ARE TWO OF THE SIXTH MOST FAMOUS UTAHNS WHO WILL FOREVER KNOW ME AS "JENNA'S BROTHER", GOVERNOR GARY HERBER (RANKED 4TH MOST FAMOUS UTAHN) AND LT GOVERNOR GREG BELL (RANKED 7TH MOST FAMOUS UTAHN). PRETTY SWEET IF YOU ASK ME, ALSO PICTURED JACEY SKINNER (RANKED IN THE MOST AWESOME COUSINS EVER).


PS HERE'S THE LIST OF THE 7 MOST FAMOUS UTAHNS IF YOU WERE CURIOUS
7. GREG BELL-CURRENT LT GOVERNOR
6. DONNIE AND/OR MARIE OSMOND-I THINK THEY ARE SINGERS OR ACTORS
5. THE GUY THAT INVENTED TV-MILO FARNSWORTH? HE HAS A STATUE IN DC
4. GARY HERBERT-CURRNET UTAH GOVERNOR/INVENTER OF THE SEGWAY
3. JOHN HUNTSMAN-FORMER PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE/ONLY DUDE I KNOW WHO WENT ON SNL AND TOTALLY RAMMED HIMSELF
2. JENNA DEGERING-SHE HAS A LOT OF FACEBOOK FRIENDS, SHE'S KIND OF A BIG DEAL
1. JOHN STOCKTON-I GAVE HIM HONORABLE UTAH CITIZENSHIP FOR HIS WORK WITH THE UTAH JAZZ AS WELL THE FACT HE HAD THE GUMPTION TO WEAR SUCH SHORT SHORTS. WE SALUTE YOU JOHN.